It is official. I have bloggers block.
Ever since I returned home I have been going though a lot of internal change and it has been hard to decide what I want to blog publicly about versus keep to myself, after all I’m not a completely open book. I’ve had a lot going on externally as well, which I seem to be focusing on in my blogging. Perhaps it is easier to talk about all that stuff than what is deeper. What is deeper however is this late night Glamour shot! Old Mr. Dragon Breath!
I’ve become very aware of many feelings, both physical and mental that have been residing below the surface. I suspect that many of these aren’t new, but are rather making themselves heard. New and odd. As mentioned I’ve also been dealing with the post-PRYT weight gain. Small, yes, but nevertheless disturbing and disconcerting. I pretty sure it is due to hormonal or metabolic repercussions for not eating enough while I was gone. Belive it or not one can gain weight from not eating, especially if they are someone whose body is used to that game.
I’d be lying if I said that I haven’t shed tears over this. My body is out of my control. Something terrifying and scary. even amidst all the work that I have done. It is signaling that it will do whatever it wants, whenever it wants. It. Referring to my body as a thing, somewhat disconnected from me. I’m working hard to accept what is going on and regain the sense that my body and myself are not really two distinct entities. This disconnect is an illusion as is so much in life. It is one and the same.
In the flurry of ongoing’s I have been putting a lot of time and energy into remaining grounded so that I can show up as a yoga instructor and leave all of that on the bleachers to come back to later. The funny thing about bleachers is that I have to come back to it. If I just let them fill up they will collapse. Major liability there!
I’m not one to ask for things, but any support here would be much appreciated! Love, light, and healing to all!